//beconfused

Why Men Have Better Friends:

Friendship between Women:

A woman didn’t come home one night The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend’s house. The man called his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship between Men:

A man didn’t come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The woman called her husband’s 10 best friends, eight of which confirmed that he had slept over, and two said that he was still there. (Source: ImageRocket)

Here’s a blonde joke:

A plane is on its way to Toronto

A plane is on its way to Toronto, when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Toronto and I’m staying right here.”

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in economy, and won’t move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Toronto and I’m staying right here.”

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won’t listen to reason.

The pilot says, “you say she is a blonde? I’ll handle this, I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.”

He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, “oh, I’m sorry,” and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

“I told her first class isn’t going to Toronto.”

A man went on a business to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player. Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, ‘What would happened if this does not work?’

The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads: ‘GUARANTEE NO SPOILT’

Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel. He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it would not even switch on.

He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit. When the shopkeeper refused to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.

The shopkeeper then said, ‘Brother, you are in China. We read from the right to the left.’

[via email]

Saw the following joke at Mercedes’ World, thought I share with you before I rush for school:

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married - for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“Interesting,” the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she’d first married a banker when she was in her early 20s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40s, later on a preacher when in her 60s, and now in her 80s, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”

Just got this from a friend, some random joke:

Singapore airlines is tops!

Once upon a time in Singapore, there lived a happy couple, Mr & Mrs Ng with their 3 lovely triplet daughters; Elaine, Ena & Ella.

The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper fashion and when they reached 20, their parents thought it was time to get them married.

So, the parents found them the most suitable “leng chais” (handsome guys). They got married and were preparing to set-off on their honeymoon.

As “concerned” (more like “kay-poh”) parents, Mr & Mrs Ng were curious about their daughters’ first-night experience.

So, before the daughters went on their respective honeymoons, Mrs Ng told them…” Your father and I want to know about your 1st night encounters and whether you were satisfied. Write a letter to us, but so as not to raise your husbands’ curiosity…you all must use a code-name to describe your experiences”.

So, the excited daughters were off.

A week passed. Mr & Mrs Ng got the first letter. It was from Elaine.

They opened the letter and found the word “STANDARD CHARTERED”. They immediately took the newspaper and looked for the Standard Chartered advertisement. “Ah! here it is!”, exclaimed Mr. Ng. The motto for Standard Chartered was… “BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY” Mr & Mrs. Ng were happy.

A week later, they got another letter. This time it was from Ena. The content was simple. “NESCAFE”. So, again they took the neswpaper and looked for the Nescafe ad. “Ah! here it is. “NESCAFE: PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP”. Again, Mr & Mrs Ng beamed with joy.

Another week passed. A month passed. And another. There was still no letter from Ella. The Ngs became worried.

Finally, the letter came. It was scribbled and could hardly be read, but Mrs. Ng managed to figure it out. The code-name was “SINGAPORE AIRLINES”.

Why Singapore Airlines? Mr.Ng rushed to the nearest store and got a newspaper. He flipped the pages frantically. “Ah! Here it is!” Mrs. Ng grabbed the page and read aloud.

Before she could finish. THUMP!!! … she fell off her chair.

The motto was… “7 TIMES A WEEK. 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY. NON-STOP”.

Who Make The Best Patients For Surgeons?

The 1st surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table. When you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The 2nd responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded.”

The 3rd surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”

The 4th surgeon chimes in, “You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end & if the job takes longer than you said it would, no big deal.”

But the 5th surgeon topped them all.

“You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, & no spine. And on top of that, the head & the ass are interchangeable.”

I received the following from a friend through email. It’s a terrible joke yes, but it seems to keep Singaporeans busy forwarding this. Malaysians probably have jokes laughing at Singaporeans. If you do have such jokes, please tell me about it.

A Singaporean was on holiday in Malaysia. He was having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam at the hotel’s coffee house. A Malaysian man who was chewing gum, sat down next to him and started a casual conversation.

Malaysian: “You Singaporeans eat the whole bread?”

Singaporean: “Of course.”

Malaysian: “We don’t. In Malaysia , we only eat what’s inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants & sell them across to Singapore.”

The Malaysian then had a smirk on his face while the Singaporean listened in silence…

Malaysian: “Do you eat the jam with the bread?”

Singaporean: “Of course.”

Malaysian (chuckling): “We don’t. In Malaysia , we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds & other left-overs in a container, recycle them, transform them into jam, before we sell it across to
Singapore.”

This time, the Singaporean retorted: “Do you have sex in Malaysia?”

Malaysian: “Why, of course we do.”

Singaporean: “Do you wear protection?”

Malaysian: “Of course! We wear condoms.”

Singaporean: “And what do you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?”

Malaysian: “Stupid question! Of course we throw them away.”

Singaporean: “We don’t. In Singapore, the government secretly puts them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum & sell them across to Malaysia, and that’s the real reason why we banned chewing gum in Singapore!”

End. Okay, you supposed to laugh.