One sunny day in January 2009

One sunny day in January, 2009 an old man approached the White House from Across Pennsylvania Avenue , where he’d been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, ‘I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.’

The Marine looked at the man and said, ‘Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.’

The old man said, ‘Okay’, and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, ‘I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.’

The Marine again told the man, ‘Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer presid
ent and no longer resides here.’

The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying ‘I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.’

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, ‘Sir, this is the third day in row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I’ve told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don’t you understand?’

The old man looked at the Marine and said, ‘Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it.’

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, ‘See you tomorrow, Sir.’

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The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads: ‘GUARANTEE NO SPOILT’

Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel. He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it would not even switch on.

He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit. When the shopkeeper refused to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.

The shopkeeper then said, ‘Brother, you are in China. We read from the right to the left.’

[via email]

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Here are some of the optical illusions I received on email, thought I share with you guys:

(Rescuing someone on the streets.)

(Girl lying on the beach mat.)

(Rembrandts with Rembrandts.)

Portable Computer was drawn on The Strand, London and was commissioned by Procom.

(Sun on the streets.)

(The pool with a girl.)

(The pool from another angle.)

(Playing with a boat in water.)

(What a waste of water!)

View more in part 1 of Julian Beever’s chalk optical illusions.

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3. illusion//cool

Here are some of the optical illusions I received on email, thought I share with you guys:

(Julian Beever poses with Julian Beever and his beer.)

(Look, people are actually walking away from the hole in the ground.)

(Fancy playing with a seal on the streets?)

(Politicians meeting their end.)

(Ever had a dream to get save by Spider-man?)

(How about getting rescued by Batman & Robin?)

(Make poverty history.)

(For Coke lovers – want a bottle this big?)

(Kill the pest!!!)

I’ll post more in the near future. The optical illusions looks pretty cool. View more in part 2 of Julian Beever’s chalk optical illusions.

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Singapore airlines is tops!

Once upon a time in Singapore, there lived a happy couple, Mr & Mrs Ng with their 3 lovely triplet daughters; Elaine, Ena & Ella.

The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper fashion and when they reached 20, their parents thought it was time to get them married.

So, the parents found them the most suitable “leng chais” (handsome guys). They got married and were preparing to set-off on their honeymoon.

As “concerned” (more like “kay-poh”) parents, Mr & Mrs Ng were curious about their daughters’ first-night experience.

So, before the daughters went on their respective honeymoons, Mrs Ng told them…” Your father and I want to know about your 1st night encounters and whether you were satisfied. Write a letter to us, but so as not to raise your husbands’ curiosity…you all must use a code-name to describe your experiences”.

So, the excited daughters were off.

A week passed. Mr & Mrs Ng got the first letter. It was from Elaine.

They opened the letter and found the word “STANDARD CHARTERED”. They immediately took the newspaper and looked for the Standard Chartered advertisement. “Ah! here it is!”, exclaimed Mr. Ng. The motto for Standard Chartered was… “BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY” Mr & Mrs. Ng were happy.

A week later, they got another letter. This time it was from Ena. The content was simple. “NESCAFE”. So, again they took the neswpaper and looked for the Nescafe ad. “Ah! here it is. “NESCAFE: PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP”. Again, Mr & Mrs Ng beamed with joy.

Another week passed. A month passed. And another. There was still no letter from Ella. The Ngs became worried.

Finally, the letter came. It was scribbled and could hardly be read, but Mrs. Ng managed to figure it out. The code-name was “SINGAPORE AIRLINES”.

Why Singapore Airlines? Mr.Ng rushed to the nearest store and got a newspaper. He flipped the pages frantically. “Ah! Here it is!” Mrs. Ng grabbed the page and read aloud.

Before she could finish. THUMP!!! … she fell off her chair.

The motto was… “7 TIMES A WEEK. 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY. NON-STOP”.

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Never seen Silk comics before but this is pretty good.

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A Singaporean was on holiday in Malaysia. He was having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam at the hotel’s coffee house. A Malaysian man who was chewing gum, sat down next to him and started a casual conversation.

Malaysian: “You Singaporeans eat the whole bread?”

Singaporean: “Of course.”

Malaysian: “We don’t. In Malaysia , we only eat what’s inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants & sell them across to Singapore.”

The Malaysian then had a smirk on his face while the Singaporean listened in silence…

Malaysian: “Do you eat the jam with the bread?”

Singaporean: “Of course.”

Malaysian (chuckling): “We don’t. In Malaysia , we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds & other left-overs in a container, recycle them, transform them into jam, before we sell it across to
Singapore.”

This time, the Singaporean retorted: “Do you have sex in Malaysia?”

Malaysian: “Why, of course we do.”

Singaporean: “Do you wear protection?”

Malaysian: “Of course! We wear condoms.”

Singaporean: “And what do you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?”

Malaysian: “Stupid question! Of course we throw them away.”

Singaporean: “We don’t. In Singapore, the government secretly puts them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum & sell them across to Malaysia, and that’s the real reason why we banned chewing gum in Singapore!”

End. Okay, you supposed to laugh.

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Is Jesus or Satan better at computers?

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, “THAT’S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.”

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curseword known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

“It’s gone! It’s all GONE! “I lost everything when the power went out!”

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate. “Wait!” he screamed. “That’s not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don’t have any?”

God just shrugged and said, “Jesus saves.”

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(Find x, here it is.)

(I would check to see if it had a vagina.)

(Sleeping with boss wife.)

(Expand the equation.)

(Man hung at the end of square root.)

(Suck my dick fag.)

The source is quite unknown, it’s been forwarded around emails for a really long time. I seen it in blogs too.

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A man was walking across the road when he met with an accident. The impact was on his head which caused him to be in a coma for 2 days.
When he opened his eyes, his wife was by his side.

He told her (in tears), “When I was struggling with my studies in the University, I failed again and again. Sometimes I even have to re-take my papers. You were there by my side, encouraging me to go on trying.”

She squeezed his hands as he continued, “When I went for major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there, cutting out the job ads for me to apply…”

He added, ” …then I started working in this little firm and finally got a big contract. I blew it because of a small mistake. But you are still there for me.”

His wife was in tears. The man said, “I finally got a job after being laid off for quite some time. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognised. I remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now. You are still beside me…”

His wife’s tears trickled down as she listened to him, “And now I met with an accident and when I woke up, you are here with me. There’s something I really like to say to you…”

She flung herself on the bed and hug her husband, sobbing with deep emotion. Finally her husband said… “I think you bring me bad luck-lah”

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This is an unusual paragraph. I’m curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks plain and you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.

It took me really long to figure that one out. Perhaps you’ll have better luck (and intelligence) than me. Figured it out?

I’ll give you the answer in just a bit: Answer is in this page.

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50 things known to a Singaporean teenager

1. You grew up watching He-man, Transformers, Silver hawk and Mickey Mouse. Not to forget, Ninja turtles and Smurfs too.
2. You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in Primary school during recess time. You will squat by a drain with all your classmates beside you, and brush your teeth with a coloured mug. The teachers said you must brush each side 10 times too.
3. You know what’s Bin1 Fen1 Ba1 San1 is all about.
4. You know what SBC stands for.
5. You were there when the first chinese serial, the Awakening was shown on TV.
6. Internet? What the hell is that? So you thought a decade or more ago.
7. You find your friends with pagers and handphone cool in Secondary school.
8. SBS buses used to be non-airconditioned. The bus seats are made of wood and the cushion is red.! The big red bell gives a loud BEEEP! when pressed.There are colourful tickets for TIBS buses. The conductor will check for tickets by using a machine which punches a hole on the ticket.
9. Your favourite actor and actress is Huang Wenyong and Xiangyun. Next is Lee Nanxing and Zoe Tay and the Aiyoyo woman.
10. You’ve probably read Young Generation magazine. You know who’s Vinny the little vampire and Acai the constable.
11. You were there when they first introduced MRT here. You went for the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on the seat to see the scenery.
12. Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50.
13. Gals are fascinated by Strawberry Short Cake and Barbie Dolls.
14. You learn to laugh like The Count in Sesame Street.
15. You longed to buy tibits called Kaka (20 cents per pack) and Ding Dang (50 cents per box), that had a toy in it and it changes every week not forgetting the 15 cents animal crackers and the ring pop, where the lollipop is the diamond on the ring.
16. You watched TV2 (also known as Channel 10) cartoons because Channel 5 never had enough cartoons for you.
17. All that you know about Cantonese is from the Hong Kong serials you watched on TV2.
18. Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, The Three Investigators, Famous Five and Secret Seven are probably the thickest story ! books you ever thought you have read. Even SweetValley High and Malory Towers.
19. Civics and Moral Education was 好公民 (Hao3 Gong1 Min2).
20. KFC used to be a high class restaurant that serve food in plates and let you use metal forks and knives.
21. The most vulgar thing you said was asshole and idiot and the most extreme was ’super white’ – you just couldn’t bring yourself to say the hokkien relative.
22. Catching was the in thing and twist the magic word.
23. Your English workbooks was made of some damn poor quality paper that was smooth and yellow.
24. CDIS was your best friend.
25. The only computer lessons in school involved funny pixellised characters in 16 colours walking about trying to teach you maths.
26. Waterbottles were slinged around your neck and a must everywhere you go.
27. Boys loved to play soccer with small tennis balls in the basketball court or play something that uses tennis ball to hit other players known as “HUM TAM BOLA” during recess or after school
28. Hopskotch, five stones, chapteh and zero point were all the rage with the girls and boys too…
29. Science was fun with the balsam and the angsana being the most important plants of our lives.
30. Who can forget Ahmad, Bala, Sumei and John, eternalized in our minds from the textbooks. Even Mr. Wally.
31. You did stupid exercises like seal crawl and frog jumps.
32. Every Children’s Day and National Day you either get pins or pens with “Happy Children’s Day 1993″ or dumb files with “Happy National Day 1994″.
33. In Primary 6, you had to play buddy for the younger kids like big sister and brother.
34. Chinese teachers were always old, boring and damn fierce looking.
35. Your form teacher taught you Mathematics, Science and English.
36. The worksheets were made of brown rough paper of poor quality.
37. You went to school in slippers and a raincoat when it rained, and you find a dry spot in the school to sit down, dry your feet, and wear your dry and warm socks and shoes.
38. Famous Chinese singers were only Jacky Cheung, Andy Lau, Aaron Kwok and Leon Lai.
39. School dismissal time was normally around 1 pm.
40. There would be spelling tests and mental sums to do almost everyday.
41. Your friends considered you lucky and rich if your parents gave you $3 or more for pocket money everyday.
42. During class gatherings, parents always tag along in case someone gets lost at Orchard Road.
43. You freak out when the teacher tells you to line up according to height and hold hands with the corresponding boy or girl.
44. Handkerchiefs were a must for both genders.
45. Collecting notebooks and all kinds of stationery was a popular thing.
46. Autograph books were loaded with “Best Wishes”, “Forget Me Not”, and small poems like “Bird fly high, hard to catch. Friend like you, hard to forget”.
47. Class monitors and prefects loved to say “You talk somemore, I write your name ah!”
48. There were at least 40 people in one class.
49. Large, colourful schoolbags were carried.
50. You brought every single book to school, even though there was one thing called the timetable.

The list has been reformatted. It’s quite true for half the list. Quite a good list though.

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How smart is your right foot?

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind and you will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot. But you can’t!

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number “6″ in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction!

I told you so… And there is nothing you can do about it.

Conclusion

My foot is smarter than the author’s. What an achievement.

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Oscar Weil and Benjamin Oppenheimer are Jews, and were sitting in a Chinese restaurant in Shanghai.

“Oscar,” asked Benjie, “Are there any Jews in China?”

“I don’t know,” Oscar replied.

“Why don’t we ask the waiter?”

When the waiter came by, Benjie asked him,

“Are there any Chinese Jews here in Shanghai?”

“I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen.

He returned in a few minutes and said, “No, sir. No Chinese Jews.”

“Are you sure?” Benjie asked.

“I will check again, sir” the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.

While he was still gone, Oscar said, “I cannot believe there are no Jews in China, our people are scattered everywhere.”

When the waiter returned he said, “Sir, no Chinese Jews.”

“Are you really sure?” Benjie asked again.

“I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.”

“Sir, I asked everyone,” the waiter replied exasperated, “we have orange Jews, apple Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese Jews! If you want, we have Chinese Tea.”

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The Husband Store!

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch… you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor! sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 4,363,012th to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Some thoughts

This is life, isn’t it? We sometimes don’t know when to stop. Sometimes it is assume that if we skip an opportunity, a better one would come. Sometimes you just end up being worse of.

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*PIN NUMBER REVERSAL (GOOD TO KNOW)*

If you should ever be forced by a robber to withdraw money from an ATM machine, you can notify the police by entering your Pin # in reverse.

For example if your pin number is 1234 then you would put in 4321. The ATM recognizes that your pin number is backwards from the ATM card you placed in the machine.

The machine will still give you the money you requested, but unknown to The robber, the police will be immediately dispatched to help you.

This information was recently broadcasted on TV and it states that it is seldom used because people don’t know it exists.

Please pass this along to everyone possible.

It doesn’t sound true to me, but does anybody know more about this?

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In Singapore, the majority of us live in Highly Dangerous Buildings (HDB), And most people have already got used to Paying and Paying (PAP).

Not only do you have to pay, you Pay Until Bankrupt (PUB).

If that’s not enough, somebody still Purposely Wants to Dig (PWD) and get more from you.

So what more can you do when you are in the Money Only Environment (MOE)?

With the current Mad Accounting System (MAS), you are forced to Pay the Sum Ahead (PSA), Which will leave some people Permanently Owing Some Banks (POSB).

And forced to live on the Loan Techniques Always (LTA) system. When you fall sick and happen to be admitted to a Money Operating Hospital (MOH),

You might be able to use your Cash Prior to Funeral (CPF) fund.

If you are out of luck, you may meet doctors who Never Use Heart (NUH) to treat you, And you will be Sure to Give up Hope (SGH).

To help ease the traffic, motorists have to pay Cash On Expressway (COE).

If that doesn’t help, they can always Eternally Raise Prices (ERP) on the roads.

If you don’t own a car, you can always make a Mad Rush to the Train (MRT), OR get squashed in a bus Side By Side (SBS).

Lastly, under all these pressures, there are not many places we can relax, not even the good old place we used to go because it has become So Expensive and Nothing To See Actually (SENTOSA)!!!

I hope Sentosa would improve a hell lot after the integrated resort. Currently, Sentosa is really a so expensive and nothing to see actually type of place. Hope things change for the better.

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(Police chases 19th hole in golf.)

Pretty funny. Someone forward this image to me.

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A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and
asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department
told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was
insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy approached the manager.

“Some old bastard wants to buy half a head of lettuce”, he said.

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right
behind him, so he quickly added,” and this gentleman kindly offered to
buy the other half.”

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager called the boy to his office.

“Although I can’t condone the way you referred to that customer
earlier, I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation.

We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?”

“New Zealand, sir,” the boy replied.

“Why did you leave New Zealand?” the manager asked.

“Sir, there’s nothing but whores and rugby players there,”
the boy replied.

“Really?” replied the manager “My wife is from New Zealand!”

“Really??” replied the boy. “What team did she play for?”

[It's been long time since I've seen a joke by the way.]

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Country names:

* HOLLAND – Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.
* ITALY – I Trust And Love You.
* LIBYA – Love Is Beautiful; You Also.
* FRANCE – Friendships Remain And Never Can End.
* CHINA – Come Here I Need Affection.
* BURMA – Between Us, Remember Me Always.
* NEPAL – Never Ever Part As Lovers.
* INDIA – I Nearly Died In Adoration.
* KENYA – Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.
* CANADA – Cute And Naughty Action that developed into attraction.
* KOREA – Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every Adversity.
* EGYPT – & nbsp; Everything’s Great, You Pretty Thing!
* MANILA – May All Nights Inspire Love Always.
* PERU – Phorget (Forget) Everyone… Remember Us.
* THAILAND – Totally Happy Always In Love And Never Dull.

Quite creative isn’t it? It has been edited to better format the post.

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