//beconfused

Five reason for Singapore’s low crime rate:

1. Singapore’s newspaper features crimes often and the police always has something to talk about. Basically, this guy commits the crime and you have a small box with this never-heard-before superintendent from the Singapore Police Force conveying some, er, national education. The thing is that the police works very closely to the media. We have crime prevention shows like CrimeWatch on Channel 5. It’s just the police way of telling criminals – we are smarter than you.
2. In Singapore, no one is allowed to protest publically. A week before the IMF meeting, our Senior Minister, Goh Chok Tong, says that, “We have very strict rules for our own locals and we can’t have two standards because otherwise, we’ll be in deep political trouble with our citizen.” Singapore will allow protesters with permits to conduct demonstrations “as loudly as they like” in an indoor area in front of the media.
3. We are a small country. Come’on, you got to give this to me. You see, we’re a small country. You want to commit crime, you probably be caught quite easily. My mother told me of a recent case of this Indian at around age of 30 who did a hit-and-run with the car, she marvel the police’s speed in finding the Indian. The thing is that, we are an island of 4 million, of which less than 10% are Indians. And you zoom in to the Indians who are around 30. And then zoom in to those with a car license. Seriously, you won’t be left with that many people as suspects you know… My point is – it’s harder to commit a crime and escape in Singapore. Try a place with more people. Like India.
4. We have more nightlife now. You see, at night, you may be walking home alone. A thief wants to strike your wallet but fears that someone would walk out of no where to have some supper at a 24hr McDonald’s. Some guy may be returning home from a club at town. He may be totally drunk and walk like a crippled duck. Thieves are afraid of losing control of the situation, they probably think twice before planning to strike. See! The whole nightlife thing is actually good. Well, It’s probably much easier to prey of people using internet banking in Singapore.
5. Ah, last but not least, my favorite – we have the highest execution rate per capital in the world! Yes, another world first. Second is Saudi Arabia and they only have a third the amount. HAHA, take that – we’re first again! You see, we keep bad guys in jail; and we keep the really-really-bad-bad-bad-ass guys waiting for execution. Bad guys are probably trapped in jail meanwhile and really-really-bad-bad-bad-ass guys are executed. Only their souls roam around probably. Souls don’t snatch your purse, they don’t do IMF protests, they don’t do hit-and-runs, they don’t do internet banking! Great, we just execute really-really-bad-bad-bad-ass guys and they won’t commit crimes ever again!

See, Mr. Dew knows these stuff. If you have a tough question about Singapore, feel free to comment here. Mr. Dew would explain it to you all sensibly (or perhaps not).

Possibly related:

1. How to locate a crime suspect in a building?
2. Man who attempted suicide was beaten to death by police
3. NS is for everyone, NS is a crime

Tags: crime, humor, police, singapore