//beconfused

These days, I have been feeling down. I can’t explain why though. I just felt lethargic, just felt that I don’t want to do anything. Perhaps just to laze around; perhaps just to play computer games.

I sat in front of my 17-inch monitor and gazed at the what-is-supposed-to-be tellytubby land of Windows XP (the default wallpaper). It’s quite nicely drawn, I thought. I launched Photoshop and started to brush and paint patches of gradients and clouds around. Tadah, my work is complete.

Then I look at my wallpaper, alt-tab and look back at my creation. It looks like anything but the Windows XP wallpaper. My version is nothing more than a Clouds filter at the background and a couple of gradient patches on the grass. It’s disappointing. It is gross.

I hope one day I can spice up some images to that standard. I would have to wait long for that also.

After one setback, I went to my bed, I just don’t know what to do. So I thought a sleep would be good. It didn’t go right even. I just don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to sleep.

I just sit up on my bed and start reading a book on Visual C# which I clearly don’t understand. I picked an intermediate book and much of my time is spend reading up on how the garbage collector works. I finished that portion of the book and left my bed. I don’t recall a single thing I read now, I just know it’s garbage. Pure garbage.

And there’s the TV, I switched on the television. It has been 2 months since I last press the TV remote. I looked at Sharon Au jumping around in a food information segment of a program. Sharon Au did not excite me though, nor the other 2 hosts in the program. It was just boring.

What is this syndrome? I am bored. I want to do something. I don’t want to do anything. I want to rest and sleep. No, I don’t want to sleep. I can’t fall asleep. I am confused. Beconfused.

Tags: boredom, personal